All Good. No Grouchies.
Most urgent care centers and labs are enough to give anyone a case of the Grouchies. They’re inconvenient. Uncomfortable. Unpleasant. Unfriendly. With billing that’s impossible to understand—and expensive if you ever do. No wonder you feel so unwelcome.
Traditionally, people have put up with the Grouchies, often because they don’t know any different. Grouchies are pervasive, and they can be difficult to eradicate.
That’s why we created Gateway to be Grouchie-proof. It’s just more ways we’re going out of our way to help make health possible—so you don’t have to.
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Glump
Glumpus Galumphus
Gray walls, hard chairs Gray walls, hard chairs, thrift-store art—just a few of the things Glump loves about most urgent care offices. Glump often goes undetected by the unfriendly receptionist sitting behind the intake window, making the whole thing a pretty miserable experience—not what you want when you’re already feeling bad enough to go to the doctor.
Habitat
Glump is easy to spot in urgent care and lab offices across America. “Drab” and “dingy” are Glump’s favorite colors.
Fun Fact
Before urgent care was invented in the 1970s, Glump was found most frequently in accounting offices.
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Glump
Glumpus Galumphus
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Squeezix
Lootus Maximus
Budget-busting hospital bills full of unexpected fees give Squeezix the energy for his money-munching lifestyle. While you’re thinking about something else—an X-ray, a blood test, that migraine headache that was the whole reason you came to see the doctor— Squeezix reaches into your pockets and extracts your hard-earned pay. The whole thing can leave you feeling even sicker than you did when you went looking for health care in the first place.
Habitat
Squeezix lives in labs and hospital billing departments everywhere—usually creating charges that average 70% more than you’d pay at Gateway.
Fun Fact
Squeezix’s motto is, “All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes, it’s silver."
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Squeezix
Lootus Maximus
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Skwibble
Perplexus Majorus
Baffling healthcare bills, filled with codes you don’t understand for procedures you’re not entirely sure you received, are the stuff of Skwibble’s dreams. He’ll appear whenever you’re feeling confused—his favorite human condition.
Habitat
Billing departments at urgent care, lab, and imaging facilities. Skwibble likes snacking on foods that don’t go together, including ice cream with hot dogs and sardines.
Fun Fact
Before bed, Skwibble enjoys playing Scrabble without vowels and reading the federal tax code.
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Skwibble
Perplexus Majorus
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Undiscovered
Grouchus Unknowablus
Environmental studies predict the existence of several distinct species of Grouchie in urgent care centers across the nation. At Gateway Hancock Health, we’re committed to identifying and studying every Grouchie so as to keep them away.
Habitat
Most urgent care centers.
Fun Fact
It’s believed that Grouchies feed on human misery and Limburger cheese.
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Undiscovered
Grouchus Unknowablus
How Gateway keeps the Grouchies away
We created Gateway Hancock Health specifically to keep the Grouchies away. It’s bright and comfortable, with smiling staff right out where you can talk with them. Low-cost lab and imaging and easy-to-understand billing. Not to mention great care, where you need it, when you need it.
Welcoming Environment
Simplified Billing
Affordable Labs & Imaging
Convenient Location
Stress-free Experience
Color Your Grouchies
We've created coloring pages to help you identify and avoid the Grouchies. Download, print, and get coloring!